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Post by « j Ö h n » on Oct 4, 2007 17:24:12 GMT 7
Erap: Tamad! Di ba sabi ko sayo diligan mo
ang mga halaman!
Hardinero: Sir, umuulan naman po kasi eh!
Erap: Magpapalusot ka pa! tanga!.....
Eh di magkapote ka!
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GMA: I'm planning to stop poverty and "mass starvation."
Erap: Alam mo Gloria..yung poverty madaling pigilin...
pero ang "MAsturbation"...Abaeh magisip-isip ka muna...
human rights violation yan!
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Erap: Lintik na shampoo to ayaw bumula
Maid: Sir eh hindi pa po basa buhok niyo
Erap : eh for Dry Hair nga eh.
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Applicants
Two girls nag-aaply ng work..isang matalino at isang bobo
Matalino: Buti ka pa natanggap. Ano ba ginawa mo?
Bobo: Wala. Nung nag-fill up me ng form, nilagay ko sa -Sex,.... sure.
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Love and Marriage Cycle
1-2 yrs: magkasalo sa plato
3-5 yrs: tig-isang plato
5-7 yrs: nagbabatuhan na ng plato
8-10 yrs: wala na silang plato
That is what we call PLATOnic love!
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Learning French
City - ce vou
Drug - sha vou
Good bye - va vou
Bald - cal vou
Caught in the act - navo cou
Feathers - valahi vou
Not clear - mala vou
Cute - a cou
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Katapusan
Lumindol ng malakas noon.... Nagkagulo and lahat at nag-panic.
Sumigaw ang! isang lalake.. "Katapusan na! Katapusan na!"
Sumagot ang isa pang lalake.. "GAGSTI, a kinse pa lang..
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Post by « j Ö h n » on Oct 4, 2007 17:52:17 GMT 7
Kodigo
Nahuling may kodigo ang estudyante.. .
Guro: Ano 'to?
Estudyante: Prayer ko po, ma'am!
Guro: At bakit answers ang nakasulat?
Estudyante: Naku! Sinagot na ang prayers ko!
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Alimasag
Nakaamoy si Ngongo ng pabango sa isang store.
Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Sabi naman ng saleslady, "Pabango 'yan, hindi alimango!"
Ulit ni Ngongo, "Ale, mango!"
Nag-agawan si Ngongo at ang saleslady sa pabango. Nahulog ang pabango at
nabasag. Sabi ni Ngongo, "Ale, masag!"
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GMA
Dumalaw si GMA sa mental hospital...
Dok: Let's welcome President Arroyo!
Pumalakpak lahat ng pasyente maliban sa isa na nasa sulok...
GMA: O, dok, bakit 'yung isa, hindi pumalakpak?
Dok: Ma'am, magaling na po siya!
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Plantsa
Dok: Anong nangyari sa mga tenga mo?
Joshue: Nagpaplantsa kasi ako nang kumiriring ang telepono. Aksidenteng
na-pick up ko 'yung plantsa.
Dok: Eh bakit dalawang tenga mo ang nagkaganyan?
Joshue: Ang gago, tumawag uli!
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PALIMOS
Pulubi: Boss, palimos po.
Tonyo: Iinom ka o magyoyosi?
Pulubi: Wala po akong bisyo.
Tonyo: Okey. Sumama ka sa akin para malaman ng nanay ko ang
nangyayari sa taong walang bisyo
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ALITAPTAP
Anak: Tatay, hindi ako makatulog, kasi, maraming lamok!
Tatay: Papatayin natin ang ilaw para hindi tayo makita.
(Pagpatay sa ilaw, dumating ang mga alitaptap... )
Anak: Hala ka, Tatay, nagdala sila ng flashlight!
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Loveliness through the years
1950s-Iniirog kita.
1960s-Iniibig kita.
1970s-Minamahal kita.
1980s-I love you.
1990s-Tara sa kwarto.
2000s-Pwede na rito.
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Age
MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang; kung
nakatalikod 16 lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang. Bale
total ay 56 sweetheart.
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Fuera
Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers
are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's
'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!
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Tumatanda
Mrs: dear,totoo b na habang tumatanda daw lalong gumaganda?
Mr: oo naman
Mrs: sa tingin mo b gumaganda ako?
Mr: sa tingin ko dear, hindi k tumatanda!!!
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Pamasahe
A naked girl rode on a taxi
"Bakit" asked the girl at the driver na nakatitig sa katawan nya
"Ngayon ka lang ba nakakita ng hubad?"
Driver: "Hindi po miss, iniisip ko lang kung saan nakatago pamasahe
mo"
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Lotto
Wife shouting.... . "Honey magimpake ka na, nanalo ako sa lotto"
Husband: "Wow, anong dadalhin ko?"
Wife: "Wala akong pakialam basta lumayas ka na"
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Madamot
Juan: 'Itay, and classmate ko madamot.
Tatay: 'Bakit naman?'
Juan: 'Di man lang nya ako inimbita sa libing ng tatay nya...Nakakain
sana ako ng kornik....Di ko rin siya iimbitahin sa libing mo itay ha....'
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Beauty contest
Emcee: What's the big problem facing the country today?
Contestant: Drugs
Emcee: Very good, why do you say that?
Contestant: Ang mahal kasi eh!
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Butlig
Amo: Bakit ka umiiyak?
Katulong: Sabi po ni dok tatangaling po ako ng butlig
Amo: Butlig lang iiyak ka na...
Katulong: Kasi ok lang kung right lig or left lig lang po pero bakit
naman butligs pa.....wah wah wah
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Jose Rizal
Guro: Sino si Jose Rizal?
Juan: ' Di ko po kilala.
Ikaw, Pepe, sino si Jose Rizal?
Pepe: Di ko rin po kilala.
Guro: Di niyo kilala si Jose Rizal?!
Pedro: Ma'm, baka po sa kabilang section siya!
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Very Good
Jun-jun: Inay! Ako lang ang nakasagot sa tanong ng titser namin kanina!
Inay: Very good! Ano ba ang tanong ng titser ninyo?
Jun-jun: ?˜Sino ang walang assignment?
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Kulasisi
Inday: Ma'am, may tumawag hong babae rito, hinahanap si sir.
Ma'am: Sino raw?
Inday: Ayaw hong ibigay ang pangalan. Baka kulasisi ni sir?
Ma'am: Tanga! ?˜Yun ang asawa niya!
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Celebrate
Rod: Ang sarap ng tagay mo, ah?! Mukhang nagse-celebrate ka?!
Luis: Oo, pare! Sinagot na kasi ako ni Celia.
Rod: Ha?! Aba, ako rin, sinagot din ni Celia, eh!
Luis: Okey! Dapat pala, dalawa tayong mag-celebrate!
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Pinapipili
Pedro: Pare, pinapipili ako ng misis ko, pag-ibig daw ba o kaibigan?
Juan: So, kaya ka nandito ngayon dahil pinili mo eh kaibigan?
Pedro: Pare hindi eh, pag-ibig pinili ko... love you pare !!
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Spanish
Boy1: pare tanungin mo ako ng English, sasagutin kita ng Spanish!
Boy2: cge nga. How does information travel from your voice over the
fone to the other line of another fone?
Boy1: Spanish!
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Paano Masuka
Man1: pare, nasusuka ako kaya lang di ako masuka.
Man2: madali lang yan pare. sundot mo tonsil mo.
Man1: (sundot tonsil). di pa rin eh.
Man2: try mo sundot puwet mo.
Man1: (sundot puwet). ayaw pa rin pare.
Man2: ngayon saka mo uli isundot sa bibig mo.
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Sampung Utos
Anak: ano po ba ung 10 commandments
Nanay: un ung 10 utos ng diyos bakit?
Anak: nay mas makapangyarihan ka pala sa diyos!
Nanay: bakit?
Anak: MAS MADAMI UTOS MO EHHH!!!!!!!
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Evolution
boy: Ma'am totoo po ba na ang tao nagmula sa unggoy?
teacher: Oo based yan sa evolution theory
boy: E bakit po kayo mukhang kabayo
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Post by « j Ö h n » on Oct 4, 2007 18:06:31 GMT 7
[glow=red,2,300]MGA SABLAY NA HIRIT!!![/glow]
"Well well well. Look do we have here!"
"It's a no-win-win situation."
"Burn the bridge when you get there."
"Anulled and void."
"Mute and academic."
"C'mon let's join us!"
"If worse comes to shove."
"Are you joking my leg?"
"It's not my problem anymore, it's your problem
anymore."
"You can never can tell."
"Been there, been that."
"Forget it about it."
"Give him the benefit of the daw."
"It's a blessing in the sky."
"Right there and right then."
"Where'd you came from?"
"Take things first at a time."
"You're barking at the wrong dog."
"You want to have your cake and bake it too."
"First and for all."
"Now and there."
"I'm only human nature."
"The sky's the langit."
"That's what I'm talking about it."
"One of these days is not like the other."
"So far, so good, so far."
"Time is of the elements."
"In the wink of an eye."
"The feeling is actual."
"For all intense and purposes."
"I ran into some errands."
"Hi. I'm , what's yours?"
"What is the world is coming to?"
"What is the next that is?"
"Get the most of both worlds."
"Bahala na sila sa mga batman nila."
"Whatever you say so."
"Base-to-base casis."
"My answers have been prayered."
"Please me alone!"
"It's as brand as new."
"So... what's a beautiful girl like you?...."
"I can't take it anymore of this!"
"Are you sure ka na ba?"
"Can't you just cut me some slacks?"
ETO PA....
1. I couldn't care a damn!
2. What's your next class before this? (ANO DAW???!!!)
3. Nothing in this world is perfect except the word
"change"
4. Can you repeat that for the second time around once
more from the top? (ulitin natin hanggang mamatay
tayo!)
5. My dad brought home a lot of hand-me-downs!
(Translation: Damingpasalubong ng tatay ko.)
6. Standard and Chartered Bank
7. I'm very iterated!!! (transalation: galit sya!
haha!)
8. I'm sorry, my boss just passed away. (translation:
kakadaan lang ng boss nya.)
9. Hello, my boss is out of town. Would you like to
wait?
10. What happened after the erection of Mayon Volcano?
11. Don't touch me not!
12. Hello?... For a while, please hang yourself...
13. Its spilled milk under the bridge.
14. Don't change anything! Keep it at ease.
15. Hello McDo? Mag-i-inquire lang ako kung magkano
ang kidney meal? yung pang-batang pagkain)
16. You!!! You're not a boy anymore! You're a man
anymore! (coach?!coach?!)
17. Out of fit ako these days eh... (translation: di
sya nakakapag-exercise)
18. Come, lets join us!
19. Bring down the house down!
20. I'm the world champion of the World!!!
21. Beneath the Belt!
22. Rule of Hand... (thumb yata ibig sabihin...)
23. Can you repeat it once again?
24. Mukhang haggard-looking.
25. Do you have more brighter ideas?
26. Halatang obvious naman siya.
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Post by aLwinA on Oct 9, 2007 17:03:44 GMT 7
nyah.
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Post by M a L L o w S on Oct 13, 2007 15:12:21 GMT 7
more more more more more
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